Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
