You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
