Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Of course I have a pirate flag
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
