I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
