Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize