Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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