Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
