Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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