So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
