i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
