I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
