I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
