dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
