I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
