garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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