I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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