Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
