Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
