We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
