Plan B is the new Plan A
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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