I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
