We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
