I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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