how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
