Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's like iHOP with fire
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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