its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
