Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
