at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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