ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
