he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
