so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
