What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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