i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
