I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
