I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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