What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
