soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's the barista slut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize