Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
