What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
