How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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