She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
