True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
