The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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