My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
