The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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