If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
