I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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