If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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