Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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