So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
