I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
