Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
