I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
