Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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