I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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