You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.