We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.