It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.