It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.