I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.