I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.