My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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