Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
