I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
