lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
