I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
