I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
