I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
