u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
