You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize