Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
