You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
