I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
