4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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