If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
