Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
