**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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