i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
