somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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