i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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