My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
