You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
